Sporting events and ME!!!

The last Monday I thought about writing this post when I was telling a friend why I didn't watch Arsenal match over the weekend..My another friend was shouting at me for not picking up her calls few days back.She thought may be I had this vrat or something before Australian Open not to talk to any friends so Federer will win..though it was nothing like that but I agree that its a possibility with me. Whats with me and my favourite teams...

Yes I am toooo superstitious when it comes to matches for my favourites...be it Arsenal game or Federer match or Sachine inching towards his 100. I get soo touchy and fidgety..There was a phase when I had stopped watching Federer play live cause I have taken it to my brain that when I see the match he loses..So the Aus 2009 Final I had just heard. Can you believe it. I was in UK.So I had gotten up at 6 to follow the match. Though the live streaming was ON on my laptop I had opened BBC's live text update link and along with the commentary from the live stream I was following the match on BBC. For more than 4 hours this madness went on. Still Fed lost and thankfully now I watch all his games.

When Sachin is playing I don't move from my place. During 2003 India Pak match I actually had cramps in my leg due to sitting at same place when Sachin made his 97.

Still for Arsenal it has happened that when I don't watch the game they mostly win :P the only exception is when I watch the game at Emirates..Then they do win.ha ha ha.Today too I was at home. Star Sports was showing the game live. Still what did I do..Opened BBC again and put on music channel..Now watching the highlights and feeling very warm inside for the performance..C'on you Gooners. If you are winning I don't mind watching only the highlights at all.

Gooner for Life

Love of my life ;)

Always wait for this moment

People say I am crazy..Yes actually I am about sports and this madness doesn't help either..Though I don't regret this at all. I love Federer, Sachin and Arsenal too much to care :):)

Aaj Socha to...

I thought I will write a blog today..its been pending for a long time now..there were many things I wanted to right about..Many thought crowding my head..But when I started writing, its not the topics which I was thinking about writing. Its about a song which caught me offgaurd and made me come to terms the feelings which I was so consciously avoiding.

Yesterday I wanted to watch the program Jagjit Singh Tribute to be aired on TV at 10. I Switched on the TV and suddenly was assaulted by this song which I try not to listen much. Don't get me wrong. Its one of my favourites. But it always open up the old wounds which I so try to close. The song is "Aaj Socha to Aansoo Bhar Aaye" from the movie Haste Zakhma. This song is the ultimate combination of Lata Mangeshkar, Madan Mohan and Kaifi Aazmi. The only issue with this song is Priya Rajwansh. I wish they would taken someone else with expressions.

This song was from that generation where the lyrics of the songs used to pull the heart strings. This was the Era where many of the greatest songs (music/lyrics) wise were made which we still listen and can relate too.

"Reh Gayi Zindagi Dard Banke, Dard Dil mein Samaye Samaye"

Anyways, this song always takes me back and make me relive my past. I should ideally hate this song for all the pain it causes but somehow I cannot. This song shows me that its my decision where my life is currently and I have got to be strong if I want to have it that way.

Home Sweet Home

wow..I mean wow....I really don't have words to write this post...Finally after all the search I have booked a flat in Pune. It was a longggggggggg wait and still have to wait a long time before I can actually set a foot in my home. But the feeling of having a house of your own is exhilarating. It has been my dream for so long.It was one of the biggest items on my 'To Do' list before I turn 30. Now the long process of getting a loan, keeping track of the work being done at the site starts..

I really hope this will give me some stability and peace of mind that I have been searching for a long time..

Ohh I am so happy. Thank you God!!!!

Why O Why?

Today realised one more friend of mine doesn't feel like talking to me anymore. Its so weird. I have kind off got used to this I guess. From last couple of years, the people I have banked to be very close friends of mine one fine day decide that they no longer feel like talking to me.

I am fine with this. I dont want to force anyone. The only problem I have is they don't even feel like informing their decision to me. I keep asking them whats wrong. I keep begging them to talk and after a while they do feel pity and tell me the reason or just inform me that yes they don't feel like talking.

And since now its happening with quite alarming frequency I think something is major wrong with me. Am I a bad person or irritating one or may be after a while I become boring to be with?

I don't know. Why its so hard to just let me know upfront. I am not saying its always their fault. I have been wrong too but unless and untill someone tells me what's wrong how will I know it? I might be many things but mind reader I am not. It hurts...Hurts a lot

I Don't understand how people can erase you from their lives just because its easier than working things out.

New perspective for films I initially couldn't stand

Today while coming to office in shuttle, I heard a song from Movie 'Kuch Kuch Hota Hai'. It seems like I have seen the movie ages ago and have forgotten all about it. But today when I heard the song and thought about the movie something strike me. There are couple of movies in which I have few basic objections to some core part of the movie. But thinking about KKHH, I realised I no longer objected to these parts in the movie. I have grown in experience may be that's what is helping me to relate to these parts though this doesn't mean I approve or denounce them. It just means I am few years wiser and at least I can look at these things objectively. So here are the basic objections I had with some of the movies and what i think of them now.

• Kuch Kuch Hota Hai - We will start with this one as its the reason of starting the post. So my main objection here was even after 8 years, KJo and SRK assumed that Kajol would be unmarried and unattached to anyone in this period. But today when I thought about this, I could see that its possible. First of all Kajol leaves in last year of college. Even if we assume she was 22 at that time then its possible for her to remain unmarried by 30. About remaining unattached, yes that's possible too after the setback she got, she was may be so emotionally drained out or may be distrustful of guys that she never could fall for anyone else. May be she was afraid of again getting hurt in the process. So after thinking all these points I can give benefit of doubts to the film. But I still think SRK's character in the move was a perfect example of MCP.
• Dil To Paagal Hai - Something is really up. I happen to saw this movie when I went home yesterday. Is it a coincidence..may be it is..anyways I hated lots of things about this movie and still do. But one point I was always stumped at about was why Madhuri stands in airport even if she doesn't love Akshay. for Old me that was really stupid and i still cant do a complete U turn and say no that's correct but at least now I can see the dilemma behind the stupidity. She was stunned by this. Plus Akshay is her best friend. So she didn't wanted to hurt him etc etc.. So again though I wont approve it at least I will make amends with this scene. But even then too I cannot stand the movie. The only character normal and believable in this movie is Karishma's Nisha whom I so relate too.
• Kabhi Alvida Na Kehena - Now this is a cracker. When I initially saw the movie I hated Rani's character. I mean though SRK's Character is a jerk throughout at least there are some reasons behind which he can take refuge but I never understand what Rani's problem was. She had a loving husband,good home,job etc. Why she felt so suffocated in that marriage? I think I can imagine her situation. She never loved AB Junior. yes I know in marriage you have to do many adjustments but if you have been friends with the person and in that time if u didn't fall for them then you most probably never will. And she is not just suffocating because of this, her other problem is she is not being fair to Ab Junior and that too is affecting her outlook. Though I never understood how SRK was an answer to all her problems..but that's the thing which I probably will never get :P

These are some of the movies I was talking about. No I didn't pick them coz of the SRK connection or KJo connection. These are the movies which irritated me most and that's why I am explaining the change in my thoughts about at least some part of the movie.

 

Happy Blogging Anniversary to me...

12 Dec has come and gone and I never realised it was the first anniversary of my blogging. Yes, its been one year since I wrote my first blog...wow time surely flies...I never thought I would continue writing(that shows how much confidence I have in myself :P) but I have proven me wrong in a good way.

I am happy to discover this hobby. I am not writing as a professional blogger. My blogs are purely for me..As an outlet for my joy, pain, anguish and helplessness. Blogging has given me the much needed platform to express my thoughts.

There was a time when I would have scoffed at this thought. Why would you need blogging when you have so many friends to whom you can talk to about anything and everything I might have asked.

But as time has passed I haven't lost any friends. But with the passage of time I have found out who was true and who was never really there for me. This revelation was a massive blow.I who used to be proud of having so many groups of friends realised what an illusion I have created around me.

So once the realisation came, I cherished/admire those who are still there with me more and more. And now blogging has become my friend whom I can tell anything and everything

I just pray to god that I would never lose my this friend.

Why I have to be such a Fool

Ok this Blog is self flagellation blog. So you want to get out you can just stop reading right now.

So again I have made such a fool of myself. I don’t understand how I can keep doing the same mistakes again and again... I mean even a kid will learn not to put a finger in fire once they have burnt it once. Am I so dumb? I have started questioning my sanity these days...after going through so many setbacks I keep doing same stuff over and over again and getting hurt in the process.

They say 'The most difficult phase in your life is not when no one understands you; it’s when you don’t understand yourself' I think I am currently in this phase. I don’t understand what I want. I don’t understand why I can’t keep the promises I have made with myself. Am I hopeless and deserve whatever is happening in life?

I sometimes get tired of being the strong person or hiding my pain for ppl. I get tired of being the one who always ‘Understands’ and that’s why always taken for granted. I am tired of this. For once I want to be vulnerable.

But I guess being strong is my biggest shield to deflect potentials scars. I think I should keep up this appearance so I will be saved even from myself.