Happy Blogging Anniversary to me...

12 Dec has come and gone and I never realised it was the first anniversary of my blogging. Yes, its been one year since I wrote my first blog...wow time surely flies...I never thought I would continue writing(that shows how much confidence I have in myself :P) but I have proven me wrong in a good way.

I am happy to discover this hobby. I am not writing as a professional blogger. My blogs are purely for me..As an outlet for my joy, pain, anguish and helplessness. Blogging has given me the much needed platform to express my thoughts.

There was a time when I would have scoffed at this thought. Why would you need blogging when you have so many friends to whom you can talk to about anything and everything I might have asked.

But as time has passed I haven't lost any friends. But with the passage of time I have found out who was true and who was never really there for me. This revelation was a massive blow.I who used to be proud of having so many groups of friends realised what an illusion I have created around me.

So once the realisation came, I cherished/admire those who are still there with me more and more. And now blogging has become my friend whom I can tell anything and everything

I just pray to god that I would never lose my this friend.

Why I have to be such a Fool

Ok this Blog is self flagellation blog. So you want to get out you can just stop reading right now.

So again I have made such a fool of myself. I don’t understand how I can keep doing the same mistakes again and again... I mean even a kid will learn not to put a finger in fire once they have burnt it once. Am I so dumb? I have started questioning my sanity these days...after going through so many setbacks I keep doing same stuff over and over again and getting hurt in the process.

They say 'The most difficult phase in your life is not when no one understands you; it’s when you don’t understand yourself' I think I am currently in this phase. I don’t understand what I want. I don’t understand why I can’t keep the promises I have made with myself. Am I hopeless and deserve whatever is happening in life?

I sometimes get tired of being the strong person or hiding my pain for ppl. I get tired of being the one who always ‘Understands’ and that’s why always taken for granted. I am tired of this. For once I want to be vulnerable.

But I guess being strong is my biggest shield to deflect potentials scars. I think I should keep up this appearance so I will be saved even from myself.
 

Move to New office...

Ohh I am so happy..We are moving to the office in City by Jan first week.

4 years back, we were in this same situation, when our managers have suggested a move to ICC. Though that time I had one of my rare hissy fits against the move. At that time the Pune University flyover work was in progress and it was right pain to even venture near that area. A mere 4 KM distance from Aundh to Office used to take almost an hour to travel which used to include a bumpy ride in PMT bus and then almost a long, hot walk from university to office.

So we were totally against the change. I mean by that time we had known only one office and it was somehow emotional to leave the place which we have become used to for past two years.

My manager at that time, to convince me and curb my opposition rightly pointed out the usefulness of the new Office. A big Crosswords (Pune's biggest I believe) in the office building. How can I resist that temptation..Though on second thoughts I need to watch out for it now as well, as I have this habit(bad/Good???) of buying a book whenever I enter that place.

So now back to present tense. The situation is totally different. After coming back from UK, my project was again in Hinjewadi office. The main issue about this place is I have to solely depend on office transportation. Since I cant drive a car and don't have my Activa in Pune. So I have to come to office by 9 as the only bus available comes to my place at 8 and later in the evening since I have UK client almost invariable I am in office till 8. But since the next available bus is at 9 PM again. I have to wait. So now going back to city office will have this added advantage of coming and going according to workload

Also again, the shopping places are nearby and so as Cinema..now a days some very good restaurants have opened around the place. Plus all the teams which we work with are moving(Thank god for that ;))..So in short , I am getting all I wanted with this move :P so I am very happy.

This shows sometimes we look forward to the things we had hated at some point in our life. So the only thing that is constant in life is change...Whether its physical or a perspective change.

Have Faith Fedfans...Roger is still kicking and strong

The post topic is kinda disheartening...I mean I shouldn't be telling any Federer fans to have faith in our Idol..We have been with him the whole time. When he was at the top of the world and now when he is struggling a bit.But we have to hang in and i am sure he wont disappoint us

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I started this post a long time back as you can see above.....even before French Open Semifinal. When Rog played immensely awesome match to break Djoker's Streak of unbeaten matches..I mean that match was one of his best ever games. 30 was just around the corner when he send a powerful message to his Rivals that he can still beat the best. I think this year he had realistic chance to beat Rafa in FO final too. The fighting display he showed should have at least took the match to 5 setter. Alas it was not meant to be. So all we Fed fans waited for Wimbledon. The start was pretty impressive but he fumbled in a Routine Q/F against Tsonga who became the first man to come 2 set down to win over Rog in Grand Slam event. I mean who would have thought that possible!!!!

It was a bitter set back and US Open added more salt to the wound, when in the straight second year, Djoker saved two match points to Edge Roger out in 5 set thriller. As usual the tongues of Fed Haters started wagging, declaring he is been done for. How he no longer can compete against Game's best. I mean common guys, he was still world No 3. Ask any other tennis player and he will tell you if he ever had such a year, he will consider himself Lucky. But since we are talking about Roger Federer here no one gave him any chance.

Rog took a well needed 6 weeks break and came back strong as ever in Basel and he also won the trophy that has been missing from his cabinet, The Paris Masters and while doing so he again set one record. He is the only man to compete in All master Finals. He now is just 1 shy of Rafa's no. of Masters title won. It seems whenever Roger looks anywhere one or other record tumbles.
Then Came London. Here all the other top players were feeling the effects of the long season where once again Roger showed how you can manage your season to get the most out of your Body. I mean he was the Oldest guy in the draw and looked most fresh. He won all of his matches in this year's Finale and he got the most astounding victory over Rafa. the scoreline was 6-3,6-0. He now has bageled Rafa on all surfaces where in his worst defeat to Rafa came in 2008 FO final.

With the Finale win, he has become the most successful player to win the year end tournament ever. He surpassed Sampras and Lendle's 5 titles each. This has been truly the very strong end to his year 2011, which has been not as phenomenal year as  the standards he has set and we are all expecting from him. Lets see how AO 12 pans out. Djokovic already feeling the heat of the wonderful season which he had and looking at these young players like Rafa and Djoker you come to respect Roger for the way he has handled his carrier and have kept his body more or less injury free. I don't have to write anything about his masterclass game. For me he is the true genius and Tennis becomes such a treat when he is playing,orchestrating the whole thing.

This victory in Finales and especially the Rafa route has been truly satisfying. With the high note, he has shown that 30 is just a number!!!!

Roger Federer Holding Record 6th ATP Year End Trophy 2011 (Getty Images)

A book that touched my Soul

Being a book worm, it becomes very hard for me to decide which book I like the best or which character I liked the best. It keeps changing continuously and it would not be fair to even try doing this. How can you compare Howard Roark to Harry Potter or Mr. Darcy to Jason Bourne. It wouldnt be fair to ask Micky Haller to babysit Lyra. The point is each and every book I have read till now is special for me. I am not saying all books have been high class or are artistic etc. I have read some of the most boring books too. But Reading them have been an experience in themselves as they taught me the virtue of patience and tolerance if nothing else.

But the way I have written about Frisco, I would like to make an exception and write about another such character which have touched my Soul. The book I am talking about is Hopelessly Romantic. I never considered myself inclined to Romantic books. I was never able to stand the mushy romance when I earlier have read some books so my forte has always been crime/Thriller. So its very rare that I genuinely like a Romantic books and rarer still that I would feel the need to write about it. So without creating too much of suspense I will let u know which book i am talking about. Its 'The Host' by Stephanie Meyers. Yes the Author of Famous 'Twilight' Series.

This book borders on being a Sci-Fi too. the quick plot line goes like this. Earth has been Invaded by Aliens called Souls. They are not the green space suit and antenna on head Hollywood aliens but something like a worm with many legs. They attach themselves to the nervous system and occupy the whole Brain of Humans. Melanie Stryder is one of the surviving Human rebels. The souls Catch her and put a soul called "Wandarer" in her. In most cases the human presence is completely wiped out but in this case Melanie gives a fight and eventually leads Wanderer to the hidden Humans and how Wanderer herself accepts these humans as her family.

Now its a very ordinary story. Why it is special for me is because of the character Wanda. IF Frisco is the guy I have fallen in love with and want my man to be like him, then Wanda is someone I can relate most too. In Most of the places like Wanda, I feel as outsider. She clings on to her principles of not hurting people even if they are hurting her and almost on the verge of killing her. She even falls in love with the humans who have constantly hurt her. She goes out of her way to help them survive even if not many of them can appreciate her or even acknowledge her presence.

In every action of her I can see myself. Of course she is too Noble (may be coz she is heroine) I am not that Noble. But still dunno why every time I read this book. I feel for her. I feel her anguish,her pain, her Love for Jared, Jammie and Ian. Her love for Melanie, Her feelings sandwiched between Jared and Ian and ultimately her feelings of betraying her true family.

I cannot summarise my thoughts on the book in one sentence or even in this blog. I cannot say why I feel this way. Is it because of the situations I have been through or is it the writer's knack of telling story.I think we both have this complex of not fitting in so we have gone to great extents to make others happy. In the book it works more or less but in real life never has worked for me. Wanda had been to 9 different planets before she comes to earth and then realise that this is where she belongs or this planet she can call as her home. When will I find something/someone/somewhere that I can say I belong too???

To My Mentor

Today its Omer's Last day in the organisation. Frankly I am not even part of that organisation but i have worked there as contractor.

When I first heard about Omer was when my manager told me that I have a client interview lined up and the client manager will call me on my mobile at so and so time. Understandably I was very nervous and scared. By luck for the first three years I never faced Client interview and directly got added into project. I was not new to client interaction. I had done that in my previous projects. But when you say the word interview the tension and nervousness goes hand in hand. So when Omer called at first I didn't get his accent at all. But later it was more of conversation than an interview. He had already decided to onboard me based on the feedback he received from my previous clients. So he was very cool and made me at ease immediately.

When I reached London, I was totally in awe of him. I interacted more with Emily and was in constant fear that I will do something wrong and O will scold me. When I told him that I was scared of him at the start he didn't believe me..But I really was. Later on when I was kinda settled I got to know Em and O much better. Under the hard Exterior I found that they were really good,caring people. Even though I was from vendor side, Even though I was an outsider they really considered me part of the team. They cared for me and not just the work.They made me belong there. In London, In the team.

O was especially caring. He always frowned even if I so much as touched a glass of Alcohol.He knew my interest in Tennis and actually got me 2 free 50 pound passes for the semi Final of Barclay's ATP Finale in 2009. That was really touching.

I learned loads from him.He taught me how to make split second decisions and how to handle tough Business Users. How to protect your team and make them feel good about being in the project or doing the work.Always back your team mates in front of others. How to keep good balance between work and life. I remember there was a drinks party for some reason or other. Our team didn't needed much of an encouragement to flee the office and convene in Chi noodles anyways. So that day I was working late in office due to one of the issues. After I finished work I thought its too late to join so went straight to home. O called me at 9.30 and asked me where I was.When I told him why i was not able to join he scolded me for working late and told me in case there comes any similar situation later i shouldn't be waiting late in office and I should tell users to wait for till next day. Though we(me and O) used to be the last ones leaving for the day most of the days.

Initially O was not very happy to let go of Vijender. I was his replacement. So O was unsure whether I would be able to do the work properly and all. Later he admitted to me that He should have called me earlier in this project and he was wrong to assume I wont be able to handle things. That was really touchy. I Really admired his honesty. Since he was client manager he did not have to let me know this. There was no compulsion so that made this admission real special for me.

He is also a Taurus. Is this the reason for the very good rapport between us? I don't know. But the thing we agreed on most was we Taurus are stubborn :P

The project would never feel the same again without him. I will really miss him. I wish all the very best for him and really hope we will work together in future.

Wake me up when September ends

An Apt song from Green day for me..Thats why I love Green Day. I think the other song ' I walk the lonely road' is also made for me..anyways I think being the music buff and too much thinker (most of the times overly thinking stuff) I can relate to almost all songs by some way or other.

Anyways this blog is not about my love for music. This song is apt for me because since last 10 years I have dreaded September like never before. I dont even remember September having any importance in my life before that. It was just another month. I didnt have anything to remember it by..No birthdays of significance not any Anniversaries. But September of 2001 changed everything for me.

Yes it was a tragic month for world too when US saw its biggest terror attack on 9/11 but for me personally 29th September was the Black Saturday for my life. I still see that day, I still live it in every September and not just then but everytime when I miss my Dad which is pretty much all the time. I still dont have come to terms with Babulnath and Hajiaali which I visited that day in morning. Nor could I ever forget that Idli which I forcefully ate in Panvel on way to home in evening.

They say time heals the wounds, but I dont know whether this wound would ever heal. Its been 10 years and I am still struggeling to get through. Every happy moment, every achivement has this missing piece in it. There are some people in your life whose place no one will ever be able to take. He is one of those few. I would always miss him and dread the September every year. I love you Baba. Will always miss you