Sunday, 29 May 2011

Jindagi Hai jo Jiye jaati hai

The above line is an apt description of my life currently. Now that my return to India is almost finalised I am again plunged with the same questions I have been fighting with for quite some time now. I think I am almost on the same stage where I was in 2010 when I was going back to India for good.

No I think there is a little difference there. That time I was looking forward to it at least a little bit. This time I don’t have any illusions about what lies ahead of me. I don’t have any hopes, expectations or any promises of bright future. I guess this is good in a way. Then anything I will get will bring only joy and no expectations means not getting hurt.

Everyone calls me a pessimist. I think its good to be a pessimist coz either you are proven right or are pleasantly surprised whatever the outcome is.

So the questions I keep repeatedly asking myself is where is my life headed? What do I want from it? Should I want anything or should I just go with the flow.
Frankly I haven’t got any answers yet. And not sure whether I ever will. It just that it’s now suffocating me again. I am trying real hard to enjoy and I think I have succeeded somewhat but the constant questions in my head keep eating away.

Not really sure what should/could be a solution of this. Just hoping I will know it once I see it in front of me. Till then

जिंदगी है जो जिए जा रही है, ख्वाब आँखों से सिये जा रही है 

Wednesday, 18 May 2011

Does Age give you wisdom?

They say as you grow old you get wiser. Funny thought. I mean I don't say I disagree with it but still it doesnt necessarily be the case. I think you will become wiser provided you learn from your experiences, you keep an open mind for criticism and life's curve balls. Then you will definitely become wiser.

What is experience. I read it somewhere what it is and it has stick with me ever since. 'They say experience is what you get when you don't get what you want'. True isn't it? So as I am in contemplating mood since my birthday here are few things I have learned over the period of time.

  • Love Yourself - If you yourself don't love you why should anyone else do. You are the only one who can keep you happy. people will try to push you down, humiliate you, make you feel ugly but they cant harm you if you are happy inside. Be your own Admirer. Because you will never desert yourself no matter what.
  • Don't run behind people - If they are meant to be in your life they will also take efforts to be there. You shouldn't be convincing anyone what they are missing or why they should stick by you. Those who stick with you don't need any reason and most importantly those who don't, never will how much you try to convince them otherwise. 
  • Don't Judge people - Nobody has given you the authority.You are not suppose to judge people. I know its hard not too. I even cant help it but I try to refrain. Everyone is fighting their own battles so we will never know what they have gone through or faced to become what they are. 
  • People will hurt you -  Every one will at some point or other.You are made up of flesh and blood and are not bulletproof. But you will have to think of whether these people matter? if they don't you should learn to let go.
  • Ignore - There are N number of things people do or are happening around you which annoy you, irritate you. You should learn to ignore them for your own mental peace. Coz 9 out of 10 times you are the only one suffering because of it and its not worth it.
  • Be Selfish - This is something which will create conflicts with what you have been taught up till now. But everyone is selfish. Everyone have their hidden motives. Try to make people happy to a limit but learn this you cannot make everyone happy and be happy at the same time. So after a limit you will have to look after yourself. There will hardly be anyone else when you actually need one. I read one saying to this effect ' I was looking for help and then I found ME'
  • Always give second chances and benefits of doubts - Sometimes all people need is second chance. Don't burn bridges behind you if someone doesn't do what you think is right or what you like. They might have some good reason for it or they might be jerks at that time. Try to be in their shoes to see their point of view or just forgive them. Hating someone will not affect the other person as much as it affects you.
  • Remember life is not fairy tale. It wont necessarily have happy endings.
I am not saying I follow all these things but at least I am trying and I am sure there will come one day when I will learn all these and on that day I would have made peace with me. 

Saturday, 7 May 2011

Happy Birthday to Me

This birthday was special. For once it was my last birthday in my twenties. Weirdly I don't feel bad about this. I would have thought it will make me feel sad and I would be down and stuff but really it was just another year and another birthday.

Jenny had taken it on herself to make it special and boy the way she managed that was just awesome. On my birthday eve we went shopping and bought 3 nice frocks.I don't know but somehow I cannot avoid the temptation of buying those. Though in India I don't get too much chance of wearing them still. After all I am a girl, buying and stocking it up in my birth right and what better day to exercise it than the Birthday :P 

Jenny ordered me to stay in my room after 10 PM that day and asked me to dress up. Lazy as I am, I vehemently disagreed. I said why dress up for just us. So it made jenny slip and she said something to the effect that more people were coming than just my roomies and ck (our ghost roomie) so I didn't pursue that topic further and agreed to obey. So I was waiting in my room and I could hear these guys putting decorations in hall. It was fun imaging what all is planned and I let my imagination run wide. At around 10 to 12 I heard the door open. And when Jenny called me out, to say I was surprised to see the number of people out there would be an understatement. I will just note the names here for the record. My three roomies (Jenny, Priya, Bhuvna), CK, Swaroop, Sandeep P, Naro, QC, Smitesh, Sandeep S, Amol, Aman, Satya, Rahul. Since it was Sailee's birthday on the same day, Yuvraj and Sailee couldn't come to cake cutting :( The cake was so yummy. CK and Swaroop helped finishing it off. We have proof to show CK eating the cake the whole time :P For the first time people put so much cake on my face.CK even put some saying NM asked him to put it on his behalf. I mean I totally got outnumbered protesting :( but it was fun. Then the big program of gift giving happened and guess what I got...A Kindle...I wanted to buy it for so long and here it was. So after a promise of reading stories to everyone finally I got my hands on it. The house was mess and after a promise from QC to come next day and clean it up (he just wanted tea for all his mehanant :P ) everybody left. Priya had returned from India that same day and was very tired. Her insistent question of Cab kab aayegi (for the Ilford people) made people realise its getting late. Also our neighbours were not happy with the commotion we made but all it was worth it.

Next day I got few surprise birthday wishes. Surprise cause I had not at all expected these guys wishing me. Hence was taken aback.The whole day went in replying to emails and stuff. In the evening owning more to our messy Hall we decided to go out to dinner and went to Sakoni's. Jenny got flowers on the way. When we were piling our plates the Sakoni's wala uncle asked us who's birthday it is. And later when he noticed we have eaten too much, he got a slice of pastry with a candle on it. And the song 'Tum Jeeyo Hajaro Saal' started playing at the background. Thank god the restaurant was deserted otherwise I would have to bury myself in that pastry :P But jokes aside that was really a very sweet gesture by Sakoni's and I really appreciated that. It was touching. Though J, P and B ne haath khade kar diye pastry khane ke time pe so I had to finish that off coz it was my bday :(. 

The birthday treat was on Friday and first time we had a huge group of 18 people. I booked into the Blue Room. Its an Indian resto near our house which plays Hindi music. So we danced and danced and danced. The staff there was thoroughly irritated with us but who cares :P it was lots of fun. The food was great and  again we danced. Swaroop was the star of the group of course though everyone contributed on the dance floor. Again I got another gift. Kindle cover this time :) and a nice perfume of brand Beckham. 

The Commotion

Cake on my face :(
The Yummy Cake

We 4 in Sakoni's

Some of the Gang in Blue Room

So all in all this birthday was one of the best I had celebrated and Thank you guys for coming and making it so special. Jenny was the mastermind of all the schemes so a special thanks to her. That girl has really made too much efforts to lift me out of my stupor of last year and hats off to her. As Sandy P said I am lucky to have her as a friend and I agree with him.

P.S - I am on this stupid thing of not eating chocolates and ice creams till May end. But my birthday was an exception and along with the delicious chocolate cake I had some chocolate cookies in office too :P Alas the day got over so soon.